Last Sunday’s News

So, last Sunday night, I’m sitting in urgent care for the second time in a week, waiting to see the doctor.

 

He walks in, holding some pictures, looks at me for one second too long for comfort and then sits down.

 

“I think you have cancer,” he said.

 

Now I’ve always thought that one of the bad raps against doctors is that they beat around the bush and equivocate. Over the last week, none of them had been other than straight up. But Dr. Hwynn was my first and right away I felt comforted. I reached for his hand and he grabbed mine. While he talked, he held on tight and I was the first to pull away. By the time he’d finished with the details which I’ll spare you, I was dry-eyed and reasonable.

 

Since then I’ve heard several variations on the same theme. No one has anything good to say and I’m starting to get used to hearing my name “Ms Campbell” and “cancer”, “Stage 4”, and “metastatic” in the same sentence.

 

Mornings are odd, though. I wake up and for two or three minutes I lie still and I try to figure out what’s different. Why am I sleeping on my back, sitting up? Then I remember and I so want to go back to sleep. I can’t tell you how I long to escape the waking world.

 

But there is no escape so first I have to accept that this is my new reality. I don’t have the energy to pretend that this is easy. And I can’t keep quiet. My main emotion is sadness, a grief that is almost unbearable. The only way I know to deal with a feeling so intense is to shine a light on it. Maybe it’ll wither and die or maybe it’ll flower into something else. I just can’t keep it to myself and that’s why I’m going to be writing this blog. I know that millions have been through this. Younger than me, purer, straight-haired and curly. Every day I hear about someone’s mother or brother-in-law who was rescued from the precipice or stepped off. I’m not alone. And my friends and readers have been wonderful, sending me inspiring messages on FB. Sometimes just a smiley face. It doesn’t matter because what I’m grateful for is the communication.

 

My friend Betty said that she wished she was with me. I told her that she was. We’d been texting on and off, I read the tears in her words and I felt her beside me. More than imaginary.

 

My friend Jill helped me build a metaphor for the fight ahead. The enemy is a rebel gang that hates God, fears and hates women, kills babies and drinks their blood. Laughter is not a word in their vocabulary. They want to take over the Nation of Me, pillage and plunder and destroy everything.

 

They must be stopped.

 

Filed under Family & Friends, Life Matters | Tags: , ,


12 Responses to “Last Sunday’s News”

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  1. Peggy Ann Snuggs says:

    Your metaphor is right on… When my Dad first had radiation, I’d go with him and create a guided imagery scenario for him… The old PAC-MAN game… He’d picture the radiation zipping along chomping up the cancer cells.. Getting into every crack, crevice, crease & fold. Did it work?? Well it bought him 20 more years.
    So fire away at your rebel gang. Hit um with everything you have in you… And I’ll be doing the same from down here in Tampa!

  2. We are with you in this fight, Dru. Stay strong. Sending you much love and a million hugs.

  3. I want to join your gang, and fight the bad gang. In fact, I’m in…”when you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way…”I know you live music and humor and will take my comments the right way. I love you,will cheer you on the fight.

  4. Liz Bohn says:

    Positive thoughts racing your way, Dru. Sending you a hand and a hug.

  5. Allan Buck says:

    You are blessed with a loving family and a husband who adores you. You know that everyone is sending out prayers in support of your journey. My mother fought seven different rounds with this monster so it can be done.
    May the Winds of the Seven Directions bring you the strength and wisdom of the dragons to carry you on this journey.

  6. jeannettey. . says:

    It’s me Jeannetty.This same disease took my sister and father from me. Fight Dru With all you have. I’m going to pray for you with all I’ve got. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for touching my life. All my love and prayers are with you and your family. I love you my dear friend. ..

  7. I’m so sorry you are faced with this. You are such a kind, talented person. I will be praying for you, your family and those who provide your medical care. Stay positive!

  8. Michelle Z says:

    Hello my friend, my mentor, my inspiration, and a woman who taught me to be a better writer but a better person and a woman, I am not good at this, but as we get older I must find a way to be better. Know you are loved. Know that you have such spunk and determination to turn this !#$((*&^%#! thing around. Know you are not alone. Know how you have Art, your sons, grandchildren always with you, and they have you with them. Know you are a rock, yet you don’t need to be. Know you write the truth, and for this we are better for it. I love you. Kick this mother fucker’s ass or I’m going to be so pissed.

  9. Indy Quillen says:

    Dru – Twice in one week two people I admire have shared news that stunned me and brought deep pain to my heart. You are one of them. I hate it that you have to face this. Yet I rejoice that instead of closing us off from you, you bravely open your arms to us and let us be with you in this journey. What an inspiration you are to all of us.
    I pray that you can feel the support and love of those around you and know how much we all love you ~

  10. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Please know I’ll be sending tons of positive thoughts your way.

  11. Flavia says:

    Dru, I heard through Art and am so dismayed… Will be thinking of you often and sending thoughts of Strength, Vibrance, Health, and Peace to you… Many hugs, Flavia

  12. Sharon Hawes says:

    Dru, I learned your shocking news from Pete. I’m so very stunned and sorry. You are a fighter, Dru–You have faced many obstacles in your life and won! My thoughts and prayers are with you in this battle.
    Much love to you, Sharon

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